Series 2, Number 1 Monday, Sept. 18, 1995

Copyright © 1995 AIP. Unauthorized print reproduction is encouraged.

First Student Gov’t Meeting for 95-96

By: "Nitin Gupta"

Student Government is an organization for the students and by the students of BMHS. It is a 100% student run forum for students to bring up and formulate solutions to problems concerning them and the school. Student Government is currently working on a number of issues and could use your support. The more people there are at the meetings the more power student government has. Meetings are now Tuesdays, directly after school, in the science lecture hall. The meetings usually last about a half hour. All students of BMHS are invited to attend and bring up issues they would like to be addressed. Again the meetings are on Tuesdays, directly after school in the science lecture hall.

[We’re a bunch of fruit loops trapped in a world of fruit juice, and I think I’m drowning, because my life saver has a hole in it. -Jello (Jello)]

By Patrick (Patrick Callahan)

1. Upon entering into home room check your seat and desk for any gum. Beware of any undeneath your desk that may get stuck to your knees causing you to remain there till someone has to peel you off.

2. Check the floor for any chewing tobacco that may have been left over from last year. Since I was an A/V member, I rarely needed to attend home room, but when I did, small bits of chewing tobacco could be found on the floor near the desk.

More than likely by this point, the thousands of forms that you need to fill out will be placed on your desk. Don’t be too concerned if your home room teacher gives you several of one certain form. Either he/she miscounted for the row or you really “DO” need all those silly useless forms. On some of the forms you may need the assistance of your parent(s) to help you with certain information such as what school your attending and your exact date of birth.

Oh yeah, by the way, if you don’t fill out some forms by a certain time, you may get a detention and get to stay after school every day until you do get it in. Yippie!

3. Listen for your name to be called if home room is quiet enough for you to hear your name. Many times you may find you can’t even think in home room it can get so damn loud.

4. When your name is called, proudly walk up to the teacher and receive your guidebook of rules and your schedule. The guidebook I’ll get to shortly. Let’s discuss the schedule.

5. The schedule is your list of courses that you have chosen for this particular school year. Please study this schedule carefully. Yes, folks, they do screw up. Catch these errors as soon as possible.

For instance, if GYM does not appear on your schedule, make note of it and bring it to your guidance counselor. You don’t want to go through the whole school year without taking GYM and find out you’ll have to take it twice next year.

Also, make sure you learn the school’s “F,S,Y” method. “F” means first semester. “S” means second semester. “Y” means you get to take the class for the whole year.

After your sure you may understand your schedule, compare with others to make sure you’re both not totally lost and that maybe you can find at least one class that day.

Now let’s get back to the wonderful guide book you have received.

Inside you’ll find neat stuff like the school motto and other cool things such as how many credits you need to get each year to graduate. You can read these later when you’ve got a free minute, but let’s concentrate on those rules. Inside the guide book you will come across some rules which you need to follow to keep Dr. Sharkey and the rest of the administration happy and sane for the rest of the year. Here are some (perhaps I may found a little amusing), rules and a bit of interpretation of each.

Being in possession of drugs on school grounds will result in suspension—

Meaning that you should keep your liquor bottles at home for the day. It’s only for six hours. ...try to do without..

Crack, cocaine, speed, etc. will also not be tolerated because they’re bad for you and the school doesn’t want to see you die of a drug overdose during math class.

Being under the influence of drugs on schools grounds will result in suspension—-

Meaning that if you’re tripping over yourself in the hallways and look totally confused or in a dazed, a teacher may come up to you and ask you to come on a little “trip” with them to your house officer. You will probably be sent home with a note telling mommy or daddy that they’re youngen was completely wasted during school today.

Possession of fireworks or other illegal Class D substances will not be tolerated—-

In other words, wait until July 4 to celebrate that 62 you got on your math test. Don’t go bringing fireworks into school and lighting them off anywhere you please just to celebrate. Keep your explosive devices at home.

Fighting on school grounds will not be tolerated—

So make sure you step off the school grounds before you want to fight someone. But seriously, trust me, you can’t get away with this one. If you fight in the cafe, sure you draw a nice crowd, but the teachers will drag you off and suspend you both, which will probably make you both even more angrier.


This isn’t Atlantic City or Las Vegas so B.M.H.S requires that no card games be allowed. Yes, even Mighty Morphin Power Rangers cards may not be brought in.

Dangerous Weapons/Items-

Don’t bring any of mommy’s precious silverware to school to attack someone you dislike.

Pulling fire alarm—-

Doing this will result in a suspension, you’ll get to the meet the police and fire chiefs, and then probably go to the hospital to have your head examined.

Inappropriate use of a vehicle—

90 miles per hour in the parking lot is not tolerable. Keep it to a reasonable speed so everyone makes it out of the parking lot without any problem. ...which I have yet to see.

Radios, tape decks, walkmen, beepers, cell phones are not allowed—

What the hell would you need with a beeper or a cell phone anyway? If your friends are in school with you, why do they need to beep you?

Vulgar language of any sort will not be tolerated—

Unless of course you’re having a hard time trying to get your locker open. But again, this one you will find isn’t really enforced unless the teacher is standing right over you when you say it. So, if 4-letter words are part of your daily vocabulary, be careful where you are talking.


You must look reasonably clean -- in other words, don’t wear something that would make a bum look far better than you do.

Shoes and sandals must be worn at all times -- sorry, no slippers with the cute bunny ears sticking up.

Decent coverage of the body -- yes B.M.H.S requires that you wear clothes while in school. Being nude could distract others from doing work. And besides, if you were nude in winter, you might catch cold. They may have a good point there about wearing clothes to school!


So, now after you’ve read through the rules, you may come to the map of the school.

I do hope they re-did this map over of the school and the location of the rooms, because if it’s the same one that I had, then I take it you can’t read the bloody thing either!!!!!

The numbers appear all smeared, you need a magnifying glass to even read them and even then the layout is done so you look at it and say, “Huh?, What the hell does this mean?” Allow me to be of some assistance.

The first number of the four digits states whether you are in the new or old building. The second digit states what floor that room is on. For example:

3102...means new building, 1st floor. The 02 doesn’t really mean anything but are important digits when finding the exact room you are looking for.

Now that you’ve gone completely blind trying to read the incomprehensible map, read any of the other things in the guidebook you may have missed, turn to the back page, sign it, and turn it into your home room teacher the following morning.

Why the Rotating Schedule Sucks

The last two years I’ve been here, I haven’t had a problem with a regular schedule. It was easy to remember, because you did the same thing every day. You could say “Hey, meet me after 2nd period,” and they would understand. This year, it’s more like “Meet me period 5 block G on day 6,” which would be like Friday one week, and two weeks later, it would be Tuesday. What the hell? I used to know when I could go to my locker, now I have to find a new time every day. They [the school officials] told us it would help the school become more socially active by seeing different people every day. I don’t think so! Before, I could go to lunch and know who was there and where they sat. Now I have to search for different people every day. I liked having the same lunch all the time.

Then, school starts 15 minutes later, but my bus picks me up at the same time as last year?! I get to school and have a half hour before home room. Passing time was shortened, home room and lunch were too. Then they add 35 extra minutes. HELLO! Then our busses can’t even get here on time after school. I haven’t heard one person say “I like the rotating schedule.” Most of what I have heard has been the total opposite. Even the teachers complain about it. (Which is rad.) They [the school officials] also said one reason behind changing the schedule was to eliminate studies. It’s obviously failed. My friend has fourteen. Fifty-three minutes is a little too long to be in one classroom. I think they should seriously consider changing the schedule back.

How can I get involved with the Billerica Beating?

It’s easy! Like I said before, we want to know what’s on your mind. What is bugging you? Are there things about the school or the town that you would like to see changed? Submit an article and we’ll print it for you. Anyone can write one.

Articles can be stuffed through the top slots of 1213, or delivered in person to the Editor, in the library, before home room.

The Beating proved to be very successful last year as an underground newspaper. Let’s keep it alive this year with support from everyone who’s willing to contribute. Hopefully we can attempt this year to make an issue EVERY week, provided you give us plenty of articles.

Staff Writers Wanted

Since the majority of The Billerica Beating’s staff members have graduated, we have a desperate need for staff writers. These are individuals that are responsible for covering school events, and creating other news based articles on an assignment basis. As before, voluntary submissions of any kind are always welcome.

[“The underground press serves as the only effective counter to a growing power, and more sophisticated techniques used by establishment mass media to falsify, misrepresent, misquote, rule out of consideration as a prioriridiculous, or simply ignore and blot out of existence data, books, and discoveries that they consider prejudicial to establishment interests...” - William S. Burroughs and Daniel Odier, “The Job,” Viking, New York, 1989.]

Editor Arrested, Jailed

BILLERICA - FBI and ATF agents raided the home of Brian Ristuccia yesterday as a part of a recent crackdown on anti-establishment forces in the Merrimac Valley.

Ristuccia, 16, was arrested on the ground that he “conspired to commit crimes of thought.” A search warrant was granted on the grounds that there was even the most remote possibility that he could have been thinking about perpetrating a terrorist attack.

During the raid on Ristuccia’s home, Anti-Thought freedom agents discovered dangerous weapons, incendiary devices, and materials for the manufacture of a bomb. Electric hedge clippers, an LP gas barbecue, and two bags of “preen and green” lawn fertilizer were taken from Ristuccia’s shed, which authorities described as “an arsenal of decapitating weapons and bomb ingredients.”

The family’s home and two cars were seized under the amended “property forfeiture act of 1995” signed into law by president Bill Clinton last month. Under this new law, federal agents have the right to seize any and all property of anyone or any person associated with anyone who is suspected of committing, has committed, or has the potential to commit an act of terrorism.

Joesephine Stalin, leader of the former Federal Bureau of Investigations, now renamed the Federal Bomb Investigators by an executive order from President Bill Clinton, said that “It is simply unacceptable that Ristuccia was able to have possession of such dangerous goods for such an extended period of time, and I strongly urge the president to pass legislation allowing us to randomly search dwellings in problem zones to prevent this from happening in the future.”

Officials also found several copies of newsletters containing anti-censorship propaganda in violation of the “Reader Protection Act of 1995” which prohibits the publication of material dealing with 68 different subject areas deemed as “unlawful and immoral” by the Clinton Safe Reading Advisory Board. The material was found to be in violation of points 1, 7, and 9: anti-censorship viewpoints, non conformist viewpoints, and anti-establishment viewpoints, respectively.

There will be no trial or hearing, since both are prohibited for suspected terrorists by the “Clinton Anti-Terrorism Act of 1995.” Ristuccia will be held in prison indefinitely until he confesses to all of his crimes.

A Recap of What happened over summer vacation

By Patrick (Patrick Callahan)

Well, as I read the pages of the August 17th issue of the Billerica Minuteman, I realize that I may be reading the same thing week after week. What am I referring to? Obtain a copy of the Minuteman someday, even if you don’t have a subscription and read down the list of arrests.

We’ve got it all here, but then again, I suppose every town does. I’ll get to my point in a minute though.

We have arrests for spraying of graffiti, a man exposing himself (for what reason I’ll never know; it’s not like he has anything to show off), illegal possession of drugs, and the usual drug and alcohol and assault and battery charges I see week after week.

The following was a letter written into the Minuteman from a very disturbed lady expressing her anger towards those who vandalized the Dutile Playground.

Taken from the August 17th issue of the Billerica Minuteman. Page 4, letter written by Eve T. Vinson, reprinted with permission from author.

“Vandals destroyed part of community”

“For those of you who took such perverted pleasure in burning down the Dutile Playground (in the event that you are intelligent enough to read a newspaper), it takes no special talent to do what you’ve done. It is merely the power of a coward, like “taking candy from a baby” who does a dirty deed when no one is looking. The only thing you accomplished was the major disappointment of 450 children, and of hard-working adults. It took many hours of diligent work, fund-raising, and enthusiastic community effort to build that playground and in your pointless, idle time, you spoiled an endearing place.

“Maybe you do not comprehend what goals are, if you’ve never had one.

“If you are searching for your place in this world, there is such a place right around the corner from you. It is called the Middlesex County House of Correction. Vandalism and pyromania do not impress anyone. These only lead to a dead end. Degenerate activity such as this can cast a dark shadow over a town, and society itself. No one gains, it only hurts! If it is anger you need to express, don’t stoop so low as to torch another’s property. Use the mind which God gave you, and your freedom of speech; address your problem - write a letter! We’d like to hear what you have to say.

“How on earth can littering a kid’s playground with beer cans and bottles, and then maliciously burning it down, make anyone feel good about themselves? That type of mentality only demonstrates the hopeless wasted life of a loser.

“In your abundant spare time, if you are capable, think of something more productive than the means to take happiness and enjoyment out of others’ lives, especially children. Do you have any empathy in your hearts? Look inside and ask if you are truly proud. Then, educate yourselves, become enlightened. Hopefully you will find no genuine pleasure in senseless acts of violence and destruction. Perhaps you will one day learn that we all need a faith in something outside of ourselves. You may have destroyed our school playground, and we will miss it until we build once again, but you will never break down the awesome power of the Dutile School spirit.”

Eve T. Vinson”

It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder at times just what the hell kind of a town are we? Compared to our neighboring towns, shouldn’t we be a role model of some sort to them. And we wonder sometimes why adults have a certain bias about us teenagers. It’s because of acts like these, that teenagers have earned such a bad reputation in society. We gotta change things around here, or we’re in some serious trouble.

Donations for the restoration of the Dutile School playground should be directed to the Dutile School PTO. Contact the school at 436-9540 for details.

[The store manager was an enormous man, he must’ve weighed 600 pounds. He picked up the tiny little K-Mart® geek worker, and flung him all the way over to “Intimate Apparel” He shook boB’s hand and gave him a free television.]

Cool Events that may happen during the school year.

By Patrick (Patrick Callahan)

Well, if this year was like last year, then you may have your share of field trips outside due to those who are constantly attempting to set the school on fire. If you are lucky (like we were) last year when it happened, it will happen on a really nice spring day when you can just go outside and talk with others for a while. However, we’ve been caught in a rain storm too.

Last year we had the bulletin board down by the boy’s locker room burned twice and someone I believe set one of the storage rooms on fire. In addition some lockers had poor kids’ books burned by some pyro.

And trust me, if any of you were thinking of doing any of this, don’t! If you don’t want to see Dr. Sharkey’s disturbed face appear on the television the following morning wanting to know who did it, then I advise you not to do it.

End of document.